My Story

“Tell me and I forget.
Teach me and I remember.
Involve me and I learn.”

Benjamin Franklin


When I was 44 years old, my mother died suddenly and I felt like an orphan because my father had died when I was 30.  Shortly following mom’s death, my husband of 21 years … (best friend for 33 years) … said that he didn’t love me … wasn’t sure he ever had, and left.  I found myself living completely alone (except for my Keeshond-Terrier mix fur-friend) for the first time in my life.  Heart-broken and bereft, I questioned everything … tearfully pouring out my fears, longings, and desperate feelings on the pages of my journals … trying to make sense of it all and find my footing again … realizing more people I knew and loved were dead than alive … wondering why I was here alone instead of with them.


One day in the midst of my laments, my non-dominant hand picked up the pencil and wrote, “Are you finished?”  Thus began what became a lengthy dialogue with Spirit that continues to this day.  My right hand asks questions … the left answers.  Imagine my surprise when I encountered Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch and realized I wasn’t the only one having such internal interactions with the Divine!


One of my most vivid memories of this period of journaling is of the day my left hand wrote, “Don’t you know that I love you just as you are?” … because I didn’t.  My left hand wouldn’t surrender the pencil to my right.  It just kept writing the words ‘just as you are’ over and over and over and over again … filling page after page in that child-like scrawl in cursive while tears poured out of me and sobs left me gasping for breath.   All I could think was “Really?” as the words kept appearing before my eyes.  Eventually gratitude pulsed through every cell of my body … pushing aside the doubt and disbelief born of years of feeling not quite good enough no matter what I did even when I succeeded.  Typing these words just now brings tears of joy in remembrance of that life-altering experience and grace-filled gratitude floods my being.

 

I am loved just as I am … no modifications needed,
and so are you!

 

Thought for Today
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” e.e. cummings

 

19 Responses to My Story

  1. Virginia – I felt those tears of joy with you! What a beautiful sharing of your spirit’s journey and heart opening. Thank you for your vulnerability. This touches my own heart, and I think anyone who has experienced pain and sadness can relate. Looking forward to more as you continue “Writing the Labyrinth.” XOXO

    • Virginia says:

      Jackie
      Thanks so much for all your encouragement and support. It’s taken me a long time to find the courage to share in this manner, and I feel blessed by your generosity and kindness.
      Hugs and blessings,

  2. Mary says:

    I’ve been to your journal before and somehow missed this message. Unbelievable! What a connection the soul has for voice that comprehends a longing. Words flow from my had too…in a way the feels surreal. And it is so. Much love dear friend…Desmond Tutu is going to be in the states for the last time in May. I am so tempted to go…and then there is Thich Nhat Hanh. They are getting so frail… I don’t want to miss the wisdom….but I am really not missing anything. It is all here today. Many blessings to your work, wisdom, and soul.

    • Virginia says:

      Mary,
      This website has been ‘functional’ for a while with nothing posted because I’ve been trying to figure our way the ’2010 Weaver’ template works. I added this page just yesterday and you found it almost immediately. I’m grateful for your comment. Knowing what I’ve shared speaks to you warms my heart. I hope you’re able to see Desmond Tutu and Thich Nhat Hanh while they’re in the country. I’d love to hear them speak ‘live’ as well. Thank you for your blessings. I’ve shared another piece today on the main page with more of my story and an invitation to write. I’m not sure just how this website will evolve, but I trust that it will. Knowing you and Jackie have found me emboldens me to continue.
      Hugs and blessings,

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  4. Patti says:

    I feel your tears of joy, and share them. You are a treasure. I have a poem for you…but I have lost your email address. It’s from my poetry book: Dreaming Creation. It begins: “Someday you will know that you are one of God’s bejeweled things.”

    • Virginia says:

      Patti,
      I’ve just read your beautiful poem as shared in a message at Facebook and sent you a reply there and I want to add it here as well … just because. I wrote: “Oh God Patti … this has me laughing and crying all at the same time!!! Thank you for sending it. Methinks I’ll print it out, post a copy on my wall and put another inside my journal … just because. Did you write this? It’s amazing and resonates with truth. Some days I know everything and nothing as I recognize the Divine in myself and others. I feel the power of grace with gratitude and practice compassion non-judgmentally from a place of joy and sorrow with utter contentment … like right now.” I’d really love to copy and paste the poem in your comment above, but won’t do so without your permission. I’ve just sent a request at Facebook and await your reply.
      Hugs and blessings,

  5. Julie (across the street) says:

    Virginia,
    Your spirit is a blessing to everyone you meet. Your talent and ability to create words make us feel alive. Thanks for sharing. Give Molly a big hug for me :)
    Julie

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  7. patty sherry says:

    Virginia

    Thank you for sharing this on my page and leading me here. How simply lovely! I smile for you and share things you have felt. Beautifully expressed! Looking forward to reading more..( I’ve been journaling for years!) and please please share your insightful words on my page any time!!

    xoxo

    • Virginia says:

      Patty Sherry,
      Thanks so very much for your visit, feedback, encouragement and smiles. ‘Tis always delightful to encounter kindred spirits and fellow journal keepers in this ‘virtual’ world. Sorry to be slow to respond here. Life’s been moving at such a quickened pace, it’s challenging to keep all the ‘proverbial’ balls in the air as I juggle them.
      Hugs and blessings,

  8. Virginia,
    I got goosebumps reading your story. How amazing and wonderful and harrowing all at once. But isn’t that what life is like? I’m so happy to have found your site and so happy that you are telling your story. I look forward to reading/hearing more.
    Blessings,
    Elizabeth

    • Virginia says:

      Elizabeth,
      How delightful to find your comment and know my story gave you goosebumps. Yes it was ‘amazing, wonderful, and harrowing all at once’ as you say … and yes that IS what life is like! I’m glad you’re happy to have found my site and that you look forward to reading/hearing more.

      I’ve taken a peek at your site and see you’ve been at this a number of years. I stopped to read a few of your posts. The one about ‘How to Move Out of Indecision and Procrastination’ is quite ‘resonant’ and I love this quote: “Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare.” If I wasn’t already booked solid, I might be tempted to schedule a ‘repatterning session’ with you … because one way I know that I procrastinate is to sign up for a class or a session hoping to learn something new that will lead to a breakthrough.

      What I know for sure is that it’s time for me to just GET MY WORK OUT THERE and see what happens, so that’s what I’m going to do. Thanks so much for your visit and your comment. Finding it this afternoon reminds me people are waiting for me to share.
      Hugs and blessings,
      Virginia

  9. cindy moneta says:

    “Each of us matters more than we realize, and we are more connected to each other than we typically understand.”
    I watched my father die that October afternoon.
    I watched my husband of 20 years walk away on Christmas Eve.
    I watched my mother’s casket lower into the ground the following Mother’s Day.
    I watched my world crumble.
    Two small children and two dogs…
    And still I felt utterly and completely alone for the first time in my 40 years of life.

    Virginia,
    Knowing we share a sequence of similar experiences gives me pause to re-think my own. My perception is altered, seeing with new eyes my heart opens to compassion in a way I knew not possible.
    Flowing this compassion and gratitude from my heart to yours,
    cindy
    (hmmm… Taos/heart torus:-)

    • Virginia says:

      Cindy,
      I’m intrigued by the similarities in our life experience and can’t help but wonder how many more out there share pieces of our life story. How glad I am to have met you in Taos during the summer of 2010 and stayed in contact through the Facebook group! I’m excited to see what you’re creating as a result of my writings and am grateful for your comments here & emails … the sketch you attached is amazing and I look forward to seeing what develops next. I’m thinking about sending an email to everyone who has purchased a journal to see how they’re using it and discover what questions may be arising so that I can set up a follow-up call in the next few weeks with whoever might want to communicate. I’ll keep you posted.
      Hugs and blessings,

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  11. Elizabeth S. says:

    <3 much love and many thanks~

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